Hey Jericho; Fake Friends

Hey Jericho,

It feels like my friends don’t really like me. I sit with them at lunch and try to be part of the conversation, but nobody really acknowledges me or what I’m saying. They laugh at everyone else’s jokes and stories, though. It’s like I’m not even there.

Then, one girl in the friend group was having a sleepover and said she could only invite eight people, so I wasn’t invited. One of the girls was on vacation and couldn’t go, so I asked to be invited and I went. But once I was there, no one really talked to me. I don’t know what I did wrong but I just feel like they hate me. Help!

Love,

Lonely Friend

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Hey Lonely Friend,

Here’s a thought: What if you’re not the problem? What if these girls are simply not nice people, or just not meant to be your friends, and you’d be doing yourself a favor by leaving this group?

Take a moment to see how that idea makes you feel. If it makes you feel relieved, then it’s time to say goodbye to these friends. Find a new lunch table where your stories will be welcomed. Invite a new crew over for a sleepover—no exclusion allowed. When you have people over, make them feel included, like you’re happy to have them around. Soon, you’ll likely find yourself in a group that appreciates you for who you are.

If that’s not possible, and what you really want is to stay with this friend group, then it’s time to get some feedback. Ask one person who you trust if there’s anything you did to bother the group. Do this in a one-on-one setting. Maybe you interrupt too often, or you didn’t know that one of the girls is going through a hard time. Don’t get defensive or critical—we all have flaws (even me, shhhh).

If you can’t get any feedback, then you have to trust your gut. Either stick it out in this squad, or find one who doesn’t make you question where you stand. I trust your decision!

All my love, Jericho.