Jericho's Diary: Crushing It.

Lately, it’s felt like everything is going my way. Even better, Elijah wants to hang out with me! (I know, school should be more important than boys, but you get it).

So, if I’m crushing it at life lately, why am I feeling so weird about things? One moment I feel on top of the world, and the next, I feel like the tables are going to turn any second, and all my good luck is going to fall out from under me.

On my walk home today, I was trying to trace the moment I started to feel that way. Was it the dirty looks Karley keeps giving me by the bathrooms? Or Alania's incessant rambling about Johnny, reminding me how even the best relationships can turn sour? (haha, lol) Or was it the fact that I asked Elijah out, instead of the other way around, and that made me feel vulnerable?

No, that can’t be it. Karley may be frustrating, but he’s not a threat. Alania’s lovestruck monologues may go on forever, but they’re kind of endearing. And asking Elijah out made me feel empowered, cool, strong—nothing bad. So, what is it?

It’s Astrid. It’s the way he asked me about Tony, about the Dance Brothers. It made me feel like a little kid again, like that old version of myself who didn’t see himself as smart, as brave. There’s something about being around him that brings me back to the insecure days of a few years ago, when all I wanted was to be on the dance team with my friends and couldn’t imagine asking a boy out.

Plus, it’s the way Astrid thinks about him. It was like how I used to look at Dylan in the cafeteria, at Sunny in the hallway. It’s how I thought Elijah and I were talking to each other when we met. There was something there, as much as I didn’t want to see it. Something electric.

I would seriously do anything to get that image of the two of them out of my head. I’m trying to replace it with thoughts of Elijah with me, talking about our future and the Dance Brothers. I’m excited to get to know him better—and even more excited to push this sinking feeling away for good.

Maybe if I send my wish into the universe, it’ll be granted. Wish me luck!