YREG Diary: i love you

“i love you” is a soft acoustic ballad that explores the struggles and feelings from a complicated relationship. I didn’t want to make my lover upset when I tried to commit suicide and why I did it because of my depression and unhappiness. I wanted him to know that I wanted to do what I did, and that they should be glad I won’t feel pain any longer.

“i love you”. I don’t know, that song, I feel like I didn’t even, like, I feel like I can’t even believe I wrote that song. That song just shot itself out of me, I can’t even tell you. That song, like, I love that song. “i love you” is another song that was written prior to being recorded, so the whole second verse of that song is about me feeling manipulated and playing with my heart. I took that and I pitch shifted it into all of the different chords in the second verse so it followed every chord.

There was just a lack of effort. I was literally like, 'Dude, you don't have enough love to love yourself so you can't love me, dude. And you don't. You think you do.'

I do love him though, which made it harder. I'm not over him, I didn't find someone else, I didn't stop having love for him. I just spent time away from him for a little bit and I was like, 'Wow I'm missing so much because I'm worried about you all the time and I don't want what you want and you don't want what I want.' I don't want to fix him. I can't fix him. I tried.

I'm the type of person who prefers to keep my emotions concealed. However, hearing the words “I love you” come from my boyfriend’s lips have left me vulnerable because I feels the same way too, and now in one way or another that sentiment shows. I was not able to say ‘I love you’ back and probably even said something off-putting. Another less likely explanation is that I did express the same sentiment, and dude being the sensitive type started crying.