Jericho's Diary: Feeling Lost & Finding Myself.

What comes after you achieve your dream? What do you strive for if what you want leaves you unfulfilled? How do you figure out what is next in life for you?

I've always been a boy who didn't shy away from dreaming boldly. Life, to me, was never limited by what is - but what I could imagine it to be. A healthy dose of metaphysics and romanticism is something I needed ever since I fell in love with philosophy and Harry Potter novels. However, one thing I never thought about is what comes after the dream comes true.  What happens when your wildest dreams turn into actual reality? My move to LA should have been my dream come true.

In normal times, I always found solace in keeping myself busy and productive. Feeling sad? Channel it into writing a blog-post or journal entry. Feeling overwhelmed? Write a plan or schedule. Feeling lonely? Create a chit-chatty video for your YouTube. Instead of truly dealing with my feelings, I spend days and nights focused on creating content & my stationery brand. However, a few weeks ago I reached such a low point, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I couldn't transform my negativity into something positive. Tears of confusion, loneliness, and anxiety made my mind overflow - I couldn’t stop crying and wanted to give everything up. The big, bold question mark of what I want, haunted me, leaving me with daily anxiety and negative thoughts - something I haven’t felt on this scale since being in high school battling depression.

Much like a wardrobe, your mind needs a regular clean-out of all the ideas and feelings you thought you wanted because other people told you so, but didn't really like nor need.